check this out....

I got something amazingly great in the mail today. My Mom found this great little booklet and sent it to me. I have copied an excerpt for you to enjoy. (You can click on the picture to make it bigger). First of all I love how it says: All hands should be on deck and accounted for. Four feet should be on the floor at all times. Count ‘em. Ok COUNT 1, 2, 3…WHAT! Only 3 hands on deck-this could be a problem. The word petting in itself makes me laugh. I can’t help but think of someone petting me like a little cat. Prrr...little kitty kat, you are so sweet-I like you. And while we are at it what about Necking? That makes me think of Dracula sucking away at the blood in my neck. Hmm…yeah, I definitely enjoy that when it happens…

Ok, back to the book. 2nd of all I got a kick out of the Beware Deserted Roads. …NEVER neck in an automobile. Pulling off on a side street or the shoulder of a deserted country road can be dangerous. The newspapers are filled with reports of heinous crimes by maniacs who got an idea after spotting a lonely car. So basically..the only safe place to be as a couple is your living room-only if the folks are home. Ohh…Gee, the folks aren’t home tonight and we can’t go heading out on those dark country roads because we might just get killed by some homicidal maniac. Nevermind all the heavy petting that will occur before we die at the hands of the crazy killer-dark country roads are dangerous and we might get slashed to pieces! And you know about all those reports that have been flooding in of horny teenagers being killed by crazed killers- all because they needed a dark place for some heavy petting action!? COUNT 1, 2..? Wait—only 2 hands on deck and WHAT? Only 2 feet on the floor. This is not good…..ALL HANDS ON DECK PLEASE!

So..you can read the rest for yourself. It makes me laugh and I’m sure much of it can still apply to today but with, obviously, very different word choices. And no one wants a sudden, unenthusiastic marriage at an early age as a result of this heavy petting and necking. Ohhh..Ann Landers-how you make me enjoy life a little bit more….