so...there has been a mumps outbreak on campus....quite interesting....there are like 10 infected students and one of my co-workers thinks he might have had a mild case...which i keep debating with him-i think it was just a cold....anyways...
In Jocelyns words, borrowed from her own personal blog, a reflection on our CERT class Thursday night:
So, Christy and I had to make-up a Cert class this week... tonight's Cert topic: light search and rescue... we suffered through almost 2.5 hours of boring lecture about how to crib heavy objects, move victims and find voids in collapsed buildings till we had to go across campus for a practical excercise in the now empty Memorial Student Center. Well, both of you loyal followers of Jos' blog will remember that several months ago during our extensive, continuous Cert training, Christy and I ran afoul of a "hag" in our class, who we think just didn't really like us and wanted us to repeat our fire excercise. This particular woman (who will be henceforth referred to as "hag") was particularly annoying tonight; which created a unique bonding experience with another special character from our Cert class: Mary. Now, let me just tell you a little about Mary. Mary is a woman of "a certain age" who was in our previous classes. Mary is an ex-junior high math teacher.. so already you have an idea of what Mary is like. Mary has worn classic T-shirts such as: "Agility: for the fun of it" and "I'm the human the dog walks." Mary has two giant boxers whom she referrs to as "the kids" who stay in her car during class; as a matter of fact, tonight Mary told Christy and I as we were walking toward the parking lot to: "Say hi to the kids for me" Mary is just an interesting lady. Mary and I quickly made connections because I was wearing my Mizzou sweatshirt and she was wearing a guady, giant, gold, Cardinals ring. Turns out we're both from St. Louis and both Cards fans, so we had plenty to talk about during our short class break. Well, the real bonding between Mary, Christy and I ocurred when we came to find out Mary shares our distaste for "hag". As a matter of fact, Mary had the quote of the night regarding hag... she said "you know, when she's talking to me, I just ignore her and forget it.. it's a good technique; it's called 'extinction.'" I marveled the rest of the night as I watched Mary perform the act of "extinction" on hag, continuing to ignore her and marginalize any instruction she gave. During this time Christy and I also bonded with another friendly retieree named Jim, who enjoyed watching me try to carry Christy in a chair. Christy got out of having to carry people in chairs by saying "im just not that strong" and Jim bought the whole thing...sigh...
Alright, here's where the story really gets good. Jim, Mary, Christy and I walked to the second floor of the MSC to practice search techniques.. Jim and Mary were in charge and 6 other pairs of trainees were participating in this excercise. Somehow, as usual, Christy and I ended up at the back of the pack and had to do our portion of searching alone with out another set of buddies with us. Mary gave us final instructions and sent us into the darkened classroom to "search" for victims using the rescue techniques we had been taught druing the previous two and a half hours of tedium. Now, there are a few things you must understand before I tell you what happened next. First, (and, no doubt surprisingly) Christy and I kind of have a reputation for being a little less serious than maybe we should be.. this tends to endear us to happy old folks like, Mary, Jim, Ralph, etc, but tends to put us on the crap-list of people like hag. We had been laughing the whole time and goofing off until we realized we actually had to do something and then I was a little unsure of what we were supposed to be doing. Secondly, we were thouroughly under-equipped. We were both supposed to have working radios, flashlights, whistles, etc, but didn't. My batteries were out on my radio, my flashlight didn't work and Christy was the only one of us who bothered to take out her whistle.. I knew mine was in my pack somewhere; I just didn't feel like getting it out. And, Christy, in a blatant disregard of Cert protocol, did not where proper footwear, and was instead traipsing about in flimsy flip-flops. Thridly, we were all "geared up" in our ridiculus vests, hard hats, gloves, goggles, backpacks, dustmasks, etc. which makes free movement and full-vision practically impossible. Fourth, I had wispered to Christy as we were wating for our command to start the search that since we were the only ones going in we should wait for the door to shut behind us, blow the whistle a couple of times, yell our instructions and then just sit down and wait a few minutes instead of actually doing the search, cause you know.. cause.. why do it if you don't have to, right? Then we could come out jauntily together and pretend we had swept the area when really we were just relaxing at a desk. Fifth, and finally, searches are supposed to be conducted in pairs, following the walls, and with flashlights becuase all the lights had been killed in the rooms.
I hope you see how the stage was set for disaster, or at least complete hilarity. It was like an expert chef trainied in the ways of mixing comedy classics had ordered up a menu of fun and Christy and I were the special. We started off well, entering the search area with Christy blowing her whistle and me shouting that we were there to help anyone who needed it. The door closed with a slam behind us and we were now shut into almost complete darkness. Unfortunately, Christy and I had not communicated whether we would begin our faux-search to the left or right, and upon entering I went right and she went left. Well, no doubt common sense is telling you that that was a huge mistake right away. I took a few steps feeling along the wall and I remember thinking distinctly: "why isn't Christy turning on her flashlight?" at which point I thought "oh, who cares" found the nearest chair and sat down, giggling at my cleverness that I was not actually searching and no one was going to be the wiser. I could see the indistinct form of Christy making her way towards the left when it happened. Somehow, Christy was unaware that in her hand was a flashlight that had an on/off switch that had yet to be activated. She was making her way across the front of this classroom when "Boom!..shuffle, shuffle, scratch.. 'Ow!' BOOM! CRASH! BANG!" Christy has knocked over a significantly large, heavy and LOUD podium in the front of the room. I remember starting to chuckle merrily which turned immediately to growing dread and embarassment as it dawned on me: "I bet everyone outside heard that" I jumped up as quickly as I could and tried to make it across the room to Christy so that if anyone walked in, concerend about the hideous crash, they wouldn't catch us on opposite sides of the room, sitting down in utter disregard and malicious disrespect for everything we had been taught to do in CERT. I mean, come on, the first thing they pound into us is that we do everything with a buddy! And then there's my buddy somewhere in the dark, floundering around with a serious stubbed toe (courtesy of the flip-flops) stumbling over a fallen podium and with no flashlight. The major complicating factor in all of this was not just the fact that it was pitch black, but that we were both laughing so hard we could hardly catch our breath. I was racing across the front of the room trying to avoid the object on the ground while Christy is doubled up in laughter, just as the door to the room flies open a flashlight shines on the two of us standing over a busted podium in complete hysterics. There at the door is Jim and his "buddy" blowing their whistles and saying "CERT! We're here to help you! Is everyone ok in here?" All I could think was: "BUSTED!!! We are so busted!!!" But, actually, they were laughing at us as suddenly Christy flips on her flashlight (which had remained in her happy little palm the whole time) and says: "No problem, I just forgot to turn on my light." I hope you can imagine that at this point the laughter was completely uncontrollable, I had tears streaming from under my Cert-approved safety goggles and soaking my Cert-approved dust-mask I was laughing so hard. Jim and his friend chuckled along with us as we said: "well, looks like we don't need to finish our search" and they escorted us from the search area repeatedly annoucing to the rest of the group that they had "rescued" the two fo us. Yes, that's right, Christy and I had to be rescued during our own rescue excercise. They had all heard the disturbingly loud commotion from our search area and came to see if we were ok concerned that they might have to light search and rescue us... and there we were, the two cut-ups standing in the dark, obviously not doing what we were supposed to and causing more trouble than we solved. It was a high-quality moment. We glanced at Mary on our way out, who gave me a completely authentic junior-high teacher head shake + .5 eye roll - authoritativeness x mirth and amusement.
The 60 and over set enjoyed a few giggles at our expense with Jim and Mary especially chuckeling good-naturedly along with us and all i could think was how glad I was that hag wasn't near enough to witness the whole escapade. So, that's the story for tonight... i hope you got a little laugh out of it too... if you didn't don't tell me cause it will hurt me feelings...hehehe...
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